Thursday, April 30, 2009

Season Two Episode Twelve

Twelve dozen clay jars, all different heights but all the same width, ranging from five feet to just one foot. They're all spread through-out the room, evenly filling it. Each is filled with a different liquid, and only one has what I need. There is a ring at the bottom of one of these jars, which I must have within an hour. How can I get to the ring, without emptying the jars of their contents (including leaving the jars in tact)?

I could try knocking on the jars, seeing if the tone is different, maybe the one with the ring will sound like it has a ring in it? This of course, would be a lot easier if each jar was the same height, then there would be a definite difference in tones. It would also help the situation if the jars had been filled with the same type of liquid, instead of each jar having a different liquid.

Is there a substance on earth that would cause the ring to rise from the bottom of the jar? If there was a liquid I could fill the room with, I'd just have to try and seal the door as best I can, the ring would rise to the top of the jar... but then that leaves me with the problem of getting to the ring without opening the door, thus letting the liquid escape the room and the ring to sink back to the bottom of whichever jar it currently occupies.

And here my brother tells me there's no use for scientific thought. I bet if I had been one of those scientific scholars, I'd have come up with a solution by now. It's a wonder I made it this far, but then again I have been sneaking into the lecture hall, it seems as though some of what I heard has sunk in, too bad they hadn't discussed this sort of situation, in even the slightest detail. The only thing I remember that could out right now is that metal corrodes when left in ... in what?! What was that name of that liquid? Was it a liquid? If only my memory would serve me more effectively. I hope she doesn't call off the wedding... at least before I can figure this out.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Season Two Episode Eleven

"First thing tomorrow I'm going to feed you to the emys!" cried Mrs. Potston, referring to the turtles in the pond out back. This wasn't the first time she threatened to feed someone to those turtles, especially when it came to Robert, but superstitious as people were, especially Robert, it was a threat he did not take lightly, even though it was one she made often. Robert was Mrs. Potston's stable boy and work hand for around the inn. Not that Repuria was anywhere close to any other town, but that a lot of farmers would come into town, and when any festivities took place, they would need a place to stay. At the moment Robert, who was 10, had been told prepare the stable, for when guests arrived, but a curious rock had caught his eye, which caused him to dawdle and Mrs. Potston to threaten the emys for his future.

Emys orbicularis, or rather, the European pond turtle, was thought of to be most dangerous. As a matter of fact they were not, as turtles go, or rather as far as animal goes, but tell that to the town's folk. You see, the people of Repuria were quite superstitious and prone to believe most anything, if referring to danger and if said in a very convincing manner. The Repurians lived up on a mountain, with not a town in sight for 145 miles in each and every way. As they were self-sustaining, they did not find need to go to any of those towns, except once a year for trade. The only outsider they saw on a regular basis was Ted Gilson, and that only because Ted lived in a house 73 miles east of Repuria.

Ted was a 57 year old miller who would visit Repuria once every two months (twice if a festival took place), to trade, and to deliver any exciting news. It was also Ted's job, so he saw it, to have fun with the superstitious lot that made up Respuria's population. It was he who said the turtles were quite dangerous, that he had seen them clean the meat off the bones of a bull in a matter of minutes. It had just so happened, luckily for Ted, that a bull's skull was found near a pond where some turtles favored, and so his tale was believed.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Season Two Episode Ten

Lost in the midst of battle, crying not for pain but for vengeance for those who had fallen. Call on the power of fire, call on until the tongue dries to the roof of my mouth. The dawn slowly brings forth the sun, drawing with it colors so beautiful, so breath taking, yet all that is lost to those who fight on. Reach toward the unfinished goal; to breach the gates of the enemy, to bring victory to those who are good. Fight for that which is worth keeping, safe that which if it were ever to become lost, would bring about nothing but pain and sorrow and emptiness and strife.

Fight on.

Strength turning to weakness, hope swaying in the wind. Flesh succumbing, threatening to give out. Press on past the burning, past the aching, past the desire for sleep, rest, and eternal slumber, falling to the ground. Swinging the sword again and again, using your muscles to their limits and then some. Know that you can still make it home, if only you persist, never giving up another chance to see her face once again. To hear her laugh, see her smile, watch her sleep, this is what I fight for. Freedom to love, freedom to work for one's self, freedom from self-empowering, self-pursuing, self-indulging rulers.

Fight on.

To give up is to give in to life forsaken, life under broken doctrines, life where slavery and hardship and burden are every day. Be the resistance, draw the line between good and evil and live only for the good. The fire. Don't let the candle of hope grow cold. The candle burns alone, but it guides us safely home. Fan the flame the guides us home. The buzzing. Tune out the buzzing of the wicked, the self-righteous, the mockers, the oppressors, and usurpers.

Fight on.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Season Two Episode Nine

Previously on Multipurpose Exposition:

No, you shut up!

And now, the exciting conclusion:

Oh yeah?! Take this!

Dead by Dawn

Tonight's twilight will be the last seen by our eyes, so if it seems so beautiful, kiss the beauty goodbye. Oh my little cornea, please say that you are no more, and ears please swear you did not hear this creaking in the cabin floor. I'll forgive my eyes for lovely lies, so certainly within my will. Please declare this piercing stare, so false, at a clock that's standing still.

Such pretty skin, give it to us. The sun won't rise, my spirit dies. All hope has withdrawn, so here I lay because either way I know we'll all be dead by dawn. Dead by dawn.

Arming shotgun shells, this rotting smell lingers on words that were said. Her body in pieces, my hand cut away. This ever-enchanting book of the dead. The sun won't rise, my spirit dies, all hope has withdrawn. So here I lay because either way I know we'll all be dead by dawn. A chainsaw can remove a limb or act as a replacement. Smell the gas as hours pass, contrary to my statement. The corpses wish to cover me with kisses, so just maybe I'll cover this cabin with their blood. Hail to the king, baby.

- Showbread (No Sir, Nihilism Is Not Practical, 2004)

Okay, well met.

Let's get a slurpee.

It is that time...

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Season Two Episode Eight

Today is April Fool's Day. A day to celebrate the wonders of all things the funny. A day for pranks, tom foolery, hi-jinks, mischievous acts, and general shenanigans. This works best in a classroom or office setting, as there are more people in a localized area, to pull pranks on.

Genius April Fool's Day acts can be, but are not limited to: taking a few select screws out of a chair, door, or desk so that when subject goes to use such items, said items will collapse. It is important, at that point, to shout out "April Fool's!" so that the subject knows they have been pranked. Leaving a note works too.

Another prank may be switching a working object with a broken object, or simply breaking the working object. I find, however, that switching objects is much more humorous because you can both laugh about it once you produce the working object, that way you avoid murderous revenge.

Oh, another one is giving the subject (or multiple subjects) one of those electric pens. Yeah, take all the pens from their belonging and replace said pens with electric pens so that they get a shock when they go to use them!

Oh yes, this reminds me. You know when someone puts crap in a bag and lights it on fire? Does that actually work? It just seems so cliche to me... other cliche pranks are, but not limited to: putting plastic wrap on the toilet (the key is to put it under the seat, for girls) oiling the doorknob (the device not the person... although that would be funny too), and pulling the chair out from under the subject.

Prank phone calls are a good classic to stick with. What you do is go through the phone book pretending to be a relative and reporting a death! But then... nowadays, with *69 and the like, you're more likely to get caught than say... calling and saying they've won a contest. You could also phone them pretending you still work at your old job and um... whatever that job may have been you could say there's a big sale on and they had to get down there today for it to apply. If you didn't work at a job where you sold stuff, you could then just pretend that you did (either sell stuff or that you had a job that you sold stuff). Imagination is needed for a prank call, if you don't have one don't attempt it. Or maybe you should because that would be extra funny.