Fourteenth

WARNING: If you are faint of heart and weak of butt, you may want to avoid today's blog.

I don't know about everyone else here, but I'm kinda getting creative and non-conformist about food. Just because some food has been made a certain way for ages, doesn't mean that's the only way you can have it, or the only way too have it. It might be the best way to have it, but that doesn't mean other ways are wrong. Yeah, that's right. I went there. Oh wait, not there yet.

Okay my point is: Who says burgers have to have mustard, ketchup, lettuce, tomato, relish, onion or cheese? Why did it come to the point that if you don't have any of those, you don't have a burger? I'm glad Pizza Hut moved past that "norm" with pizza by introducing the desert pizza. Oh, but before I go any further I need to make one thing very clear. All this rant is not to say that I'm not happy with what we have and what we make, or to say that I'm being picky by any means. If you know me, the only things I'm "picky" about is what comes from the devil, namely McDonald's and Pepsi. Or if it makes me sick like potato salad or egg salad. Or like, soy. Also to make something clear, Mc******* and P**** are the only things on that list of things I don't like that come from the devil. The other things are just ...well they don't agree with me.

Although, I did have a egg salad sandwich or two at some kind of something when I was out at my grandparents'. So there are things on my do not like list that I'm willing to try once again if I hadn't tried it in a while, or that I'm willing to eat just because that's what's being served.

My main point about foods having to be prepared one way and not the other comes from lunch today. I had burgers, but without ketchup, mustard, relish or BBQ sauce. Only because when I went to put them on my burger I simply didn't want to conform to the "this is a burger" idea. Now, it's not like I was thinking, all out rebellion, because if I did well... I wouldn't put my burger in a burger bun, I wouldn't have had lettuce and tomato and onion, I would have done something completely different and if anyone had witnessed it they might have slapped me.

But see, that's the type of thinking that got me a-ranting. Just so you don't misunderstand all this, I'm talking about a once in a while thing, not a steady way of life. It's not like I don't enjoy a good ol' BBQ'd, ketchup'd, mustard'd, cheese'd and onion'd burger with pickles either on or to the side, it's just that I wish that there were other options. I suppose you could blaspheme and say "well why don't you try a soy-" Why don't you cram it in your ear! Jerk. "Oh but it's-" No! Not interested. I like meat. I'm talking toppings only. And if you say I left out mayo, you're gross.

Okay, so maybe my sister is thinking nasty things, and maybe you are too and maybe you're saying I'm trying to have things both ways or am asking for change but don't really want it... well maybe you don't know about burger politics. And yes, I do because I worked at Harvey's for a year, so I have a say in this.

There are introductions to the burger world that I'm happy for such as the small but important change of using different cheeses. Also, sauteed mushrooms and the use of bacon are very much OK in my book, but are these enough? Probably if you're a sissy. The best almost different burger I've had was... somewhere, but it had avocado, bacon, tomato, jalapeno, and probably something else. No ketchup, no mustard, no pickle or onion, oh and it had some kind of cheese but I forget if it was other than cheddar or mozzarella.

Anyway, I just wanted to put this idea of making foods different out there. If you think it's too radical for you then I'm sorry for your loss. Besides, I put the warning up there so it's your fault if you take offence to my suggest.

Ode to the cow:

Four-legged mammal
Please eat grass and keep healthy
You provide tasties.